A Return
Thursday July 21st 2011, 12:37 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Saturday morning
Two jobs in
And I stop by Montpellier Crescent
Handbrake on…drop back the seat…and close my eyes
And slip into my daily meditation
Not ideal
As a job could come through any minute
But this is the nature of this job
Everything fits around it
My mind clears for but a moment
Before being assaulted by thoughts
What happened to my blog?
This question was held amongst the other thoughts
Instead of clearing I focussed on it

Could I return to the blog proper?
Why indeed did I stop?
It was I have decided…Post Traumatic Stress
Three years ago I entered my heart operation with an ease
I remained cool
While other patients around me appeared pensive and panicky
Recovery was approached in the same manner
At first steady and measured
Until 6 months later
I was tipped back into work by intense necessity
The killer stress bird
Perched itself on my telegraph line
Waiting for me to crack or die
Doomy and gloomy thoughts were born in the phantom zone of my mind
Leaving me in the grip of stupidity from time to time

Just a few weeks ago
I think I reached the final phase
Certainly I hope so
On a few occaisions in the last six months
I had pressure on my chest
It felt similar to the angina I used to have
Add to that a tingly left arm
And my mind was primed
The doctor told me my blood pressure was a little high
And that was it
Complete panic
I thought I was going to die
Or probably just as bad
Have another bypass
I was impulsively compelled to read everything the internet had to offer
Mrs Dial thought I was being ridiculous
But I couldn’t stop
A few days into it and I had to stop working
Anxiety attacks were starting
Boosted by sitting in the drivers seat
Get out and they would calm down

It was an awfully dark week
But as it passed
I could feel the anxiety running out of steam
My logic settled on the idea
That I could maintain my position
If I could make sure that there could be no more deterioration
My loony studies seemed to be paying off
In that I found a common thread
Amongst all the potential quackery
I started to have some clear confidence arising

Everything pointed to the ph level of our bodies
Keep yourself on the alkaline side
So your body can run at its optimum
And it will heal itself

As I am the sort of person who needs a system
I quickly put one together
2 litres of alkaline water (ph 9.5)
Which I buy from a local juice bar
Grabbing a wheatgrass shot while I am there
An alkaline breakfast with 2 tablespoons of soya lecithin
A midday drink of cayenne pepper and lemon
Lunch…a vegan salad
And the evening meal is a more relaxed affair
Sometime allowing the balance to flow the other way

No more meat
No more bread
No more coffee or tea
No booze or pot
No sweets sugar cakes or biscuits
And probably other things that I can’t remember right now
This all started to add up to depression
Not only deprived of fine tasting foods
I felt the exclusion of a recovering alchoholic
And eating food in this system
Means you can only enter select stores to buy food

But two weeks of effort passed
And I was transformed
The depression trailed away
I felt great
My weight had recently reached
What I thought was its low balance
Where it requires great effort just to remove another pound
But to my surprise
Another half stone disappeared
All of my various aches and pains vanished
Creating a youthful reverse
My sense of smell seemed to be boosted by half
Cholesterol was recorded at the doctors
An all time low of 3.4
I was 10.2 at my worst four years ago
And most oddly
The rampant static shocks from the cab seemed to have stopped
Which is one of the most quirky things about the alkaline theory

I snapped back my thoughts
And cleared my mind
Entering a peaceful space
That was too much thinking
I was indulging in thought there
And now I am thinking about the fact that I ‘was’ thinking
I cleared my mind again
Then jerked
There was a knock at the window

This is not a rank where people get in normally
There was a scruffy unshaven man with slghtly crazy eyes
I dropped the window
Expecting some kind of request
But not so

He told me that he did have a flat just round the corner
Just so I should know he wasn’t a vagrant
I noticed the large holdall hanging from his shoulder
He continued to say
That he had been sleeping out in the parks
Just because he felt like it
With slightly wild expressions
He said he had enjoyed it immensly
“Do you know what?”
“I have fucked more women in the last week than I have for years”
“Just last night”
“This girl…Jane from Camden”
“Woke me up and asked me to fuck her”
“Half way through she demanded I fuck her in the arse”
His eyes broadened with his smile
I trailed off by indicating how well he had done
And buzzed the window back up

I gave up on the meditation
Instead watching a man in a combat jacket with a pitbull
Putting something in the bins
He kept spitting
Maybe once every two seconds
He turned to cross the road
The spitting continued a few more times
Until half way across the road
Out came what looked like a mug full of water
He stopped and looked down
Then yanked the dog and set off again

I sighed
Welcome back to taxi world

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