Nuts
Tuesday October 13th 2009, 1:52 am
Filed under: Uncategorized


Last week was overwhelmed by the Labour Party conference
The security of which was monster
I can remember the last time they were here under Tony
And that was with a bomb threat more fresh in the mind
This time the precautions were three fold
They cordened off a whole area of the city
With giant yellow barriers
Staffed it with police
And called it ‘Otter Zone’
I found a big hole in the side of Otter Zone
And wandered in for a look
I took a series of photographs as covertly as I could
But was eventually caught as I mooched around amongst a group of delegates
The cop put me through a Stop and Search procedure
But then said that I was doing nothing illegal and let me go

To take a break from the city
I collected up a group of lads
They were off out to a country pub
To drink to a birthday
And to row boats that the River Pub hires out
Probably whilst smoking spliffs by the looks of them
Once they became settled in the bus
I became aware of the effect of the group dynamic
And the combined atmosphere that it creates
In most cases more than 6 men unsettles my daily hold
Punctures my space because there is at least one in the front
But these guys collectively were pretty mellow
Generally the situation involves a Speaker and an Audience
This however was just circulating chatter
Which is more like the atmosphere of a group of women 
As a result I liked them
Or liked the fact that they didn’t over-affect me

Back in the city
I was picking up bits-and-bobs
Little shopping trips
Short journeys from ranks
Often these come with comments about the size of the vehicle
The most popular comment from a single passenger is
‘There’s only me!’
They seem to feel humbled by the size and amount of spare seats
At one point I was parked at the rank and was first turn to go
One person came up and said
‘Do ya mind if I get in a smaller one’
I was reading and waved with a shrug
Then an old man and his wife walked straight passed me
He was shaking his head at me
They got in the car behind
Then a record third person asked me the same thing
This time I engaged her
‘It’s just a taxi’
“Don’t these cost more?”
‘No…it’s the same price’
She still looked like she was being pulled by the saloon car
Then she relented and opened the sliding door
And we were off
It is an odd thing driving this big 8 seater
And it is the reason that it was free to drive
And that the deal I have on it is so flexible
Other drivers don’t like having to deal with the public attitude toward them
At first I was the same
The first two months of driving this was depressing
I felt like a big alien parked at the rank
But after each public assault on my psyche
I gradually got thicker and thicker
Until now I really don’t care about that shit
And the whole situation has flowered into me earning more money than the cars
Because I endeavour to do everything they do
Whilst the rest of the time
Doing lucrative stuff that they can’t

Look at that
Did I just say lucrative
That is so small minded
As  if anything in the taxi world is lucrative
No
What I meant to say is more like
Hazelnuts instead of peanuts
One day I may raise my game to Pecans