Return of Cablog
Wednesday February 18th 2009, 1:59 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


Well here I am
I made it back
Spencer is once again a cab driver
I won the race against the DWP by half a day
After jumping through enough hoops
To make me feel I was in a Time Tunnel
I eventually I got my licence back
But it made Jan/Feb muchos stressful
And has loused up my sleep again

In the world of insomnia
Sleeping tablets don’t really exist as a solution
Doctor K gave me some excellent tablets
As used by airline pilots he said
But they merely give you a break from the confusion

In explanation
During my heart operation
The fine electrical balance of my heart was disturbed
Now instead of a pin point beat
The beat enters and exits at slightly different points
Making it roll
And enhancing the feeling of the beat
Add to this a dose of tension
And sleep becomes a big struggle

It was my second day back in the job
And the morning was going well
All the dire warnings of the Credit Crunch by cab drivers
Seemed to be just another excuse
To justify their whingeing
To me it seemed to be business as usual

I was interupted very early in my stride
My first week back
Had coincided with half term
And it had caught me and Mrs Dial on the hop
Todays plan…whilst our jobs clashed was
To take Junior down to a holiday club
It was at the Holland Road baptist church
In my haste to get Junior placed
I ignored the sensation that I might be making a mistake
I was well aware of experiences with the Baptists in the past
But for some convenient reason
I thought it might be different
I knew they were going to mention GOD
But didn’t anicipate what was to come
I ushered junior through the door
And a woman led him away
Into A Christian Harvest

When he left
He was mad at the both of us
The whole place was in the theme of “Outer Space”
Which is quite apt
Because when you look at these people close up
It does make you think

Once inside the place
Junior said it was “Non stop GOD”
They really went for it
A captive audience of young minds
Being double glazed by bouncing Christian Salesmen
Luckily for us
Junior has developed a healthy level of Athiesm
And even at the age of Seven
He was having none of it
As Mrs Dial popped in to collect him
The young possesed band were wandering around on the stage
Doing some kind of act
They were on the moon
Marooned…cut off…and in need of help
What did they need?
Power of course
And onto the stage leapt a Christian Salesman
God will give these boys the power
God will save them

As we left
A guy approached to tell us of the “Grand Finale”
On Sunday
I could just see all the kids lining up to have their chips fitted
Junior got out onto the street
Looked up at us and said
“Don’t ever take me in there again”
It is worth remembering
The Baptists are proper nutters
Keep well away from them

I got back to the job of driving people round in circles
And pulled up outside of one of my favourite old ladies
She lives in a fantastic fantasy world
The last time I picked her up
She was being tailed by MI5 and the CIA
And had to hole up at a hotel for a while
So we drove around the town
Popping from hotel to hotel
She would nip in and have a look around
To see if it was secure enough
£16 later she took her bag from the car and announced
“This is the place”

Today she was quite ordinary
But it was good to see her
And several other regulars

I picked up a guy
Who asked me if I was from Manchester
A common mistake
He apologised when I told him I was a Yorkshireman
Then he went on to tell me of his visit up to the Darlington area
And like most southerners
He talked about it like it was a “New frontier world”
Where you can put your hand in your pocket
And buy a house
And it has it’s own exchange rate
“The Pint Index”
He also failed to notice
That I had taken him home the day before
And that he was repeating the exact same conversation
He got out and said again
That he was very glad to meet me
This driver from the new world

As I sat at the ranks
Watching the world go by
Doing it’s shopping
I noticed a new teenage trend
The Hair Sweep
Hair was being swept in all manner of directions
Embarrassed bald men
Would not be able to compete with this level of sweeping
It was fantastic
I began to look forward to the next windy day

I returned home for something to eat
And as I sat on the couch
I was watching a man
Arranging a piece of salmon
A piece of onion
And a sprig of something
Then he stuck it in the oven
When it came out he announced
“Oven baked salmon”
I rocked in my seat
“What the fuck else are you gonna bake it in” I snorted
Oven baked this
Pan fried that
What the hell is this obsession with the doubly obvious
There must be a word or term
For this kind of expression
Obviana maybe
Annoyed I got from my seat
And went to make myself
A Kettle Boiled cup of tea